[Minato looks up from where he'd been laying on his bed listening to his mp3 player, and clicks off the music as he swings his legs over to the ground.
He doesn't want to have this conversation. Every part of him rebels at willingly telling someone this. He's relatively free with the information to people from other worlds, but it's easier that way. They don't understand the magnitude of Nyx, or what he'd actually done. And they definitely don't know about Erebus.
Not that Shinjiro does, either. Minato lets out a silent breath. He needs to stop being avoidant; he can do this. If anyone would understand not wanting to go over the details, it's Shinji. It'll be fine.]
Hi, [he says quietly, drawing his headphones off of his ears and letting them flop around his neck.] Come in.
[A short nod of greeting, and he let himself in at Minato's invitation. While the now-half-empty room was more barren than his last visit, he couldn't help but think the extra space would be nice-- And knowing the group, it probably wouldn't go to waste. He didn't waste time in finding a spot to get comfortable on the roommate's-half, looking over to Minato curiously.]
So you said it's something you 'should' say. What happened back home. [Small word preferences didn't seem to elude him, at least- 'Should' as opposed to want, or need, or anything else.]
... Yeah. I wasn't going to tell anyone, but Ryoji told Junpei. So I didn't want to keep it from you.
[It should be hard to turn his feelings off about this and just say it, but it isn't. Minato relinquishes all of his grief and his inner conflict, pushes it down somewhere that it can't touch him. It's better to get this over with.] When we go to fight Nyx, the reason we win is because of me. I died to seal her away.
[He was quiet for a long moment following that: He didn't like the idea of Minato being dead-- Of more member of SEES kicking it in the fight, rather than just triumphing and going back to their life. But at the same time, he could respect Minato's decision to withhold the information, but as Shinjiro had decided regarding his own death. So he bit back any chastising comment or concern, rather than press Minato on a subject he seemed less comfortable than usual with.]
...So that happen in 2011, or what? [Later than he would have hoped for the elimination of the Dark Hour. Two more years fighting Shadows... damn it. He had questions, that that much was probably evidenced with how he paid attention, dark eyes following Minato with a morbid sort of curiosity. Why was it necessary? Just what the hell happened after Shinjiro died? Nyx? Ryoji?] And run me past the basics again. Nyx...?
No, it was January 31st, 2009, [he corrects.] Someone I knew from the community found a way to bring me back to life after that, because... my soul wasn't gone, it was-- somewhere else. [He hasn't spoken to anyone about Eribus, not even Itsuki, and he isn't about to speak about it now.]
Nyx showed up, but we couldn't defeat her. I sealed her away.
[And if that sounds ambiguous and like a completely unhelpful explanation, well, it's the only one Minato wants to offer. He doesn't know how to express what really happened in the first place, still isn't comfortable openly talking about his Social Links or the Velvet Room. He'd just started to accept the idea that maybe he could tell someone about them when he'd been brought here, and now it felt like he'd started all over.]
[He was quiet for another long moment. It was strange: He couldn't say he "didn't care" about what happened after his death. He did, in a way. He wanted it to end well. But he couldn't let it matter to him, affect him. That would just establish some sort of connection with a future he had no part of.
So again: he could respect Minato's vague choice of words.] ...You're here now. Just good that you got another shot back home, too.
[What else was there to say? He was sure Minato wasn't as hellbent on his death as Shinjiro, so being alive again back home...] So this Ryoji guy's from back home after you bit it, I take it.
He joined us after your death, [he explains, shifting a little where he sat.] Not SEES, exactly... he's the personification of the Death Arcana, and the Nyx Avatar. He told us about her coming.
But, he's a friend. So at least while we're here, everything has turned out alright.
[A short frown. Personification of death? He simply nodded, accepting that, even if it wasn't entirely understood.] 'Least he gave you guys a heads up. So what, he's... some kinda Shadow? or an Ally, or what?
[If Minato trusted him, that was as good as anything- At least enough to consider him a neutral sort of ally, even if he was some sort of Avatar of a massive Shadow monster. Or whatever he was. Shinjiro didn't quite get the whole picture with the little offered, but again kept himself from asking more.]
[Minato's appreciative of him not pressing, and tries to repay that a little by making more coherent sense. Unfortunately, this is P3 canon, so that's tough.]
He's definitely an ally, even if he didn't fight with us. I'm not sure what I'd call him... a Shadow that became human, in part? [Slight shrug.] We never got answers about that.
He's as much a victim of fate as the rest of us. He disappeared back home after the fight with Nyx; that's why he was so surprised to be here.
[So Ryoji is the Personification of Death Aracana, but a dude, but actually kind of a Shadow, but working with SEES but also--
Yeah, he'd just. Give up. This right here is the reason he tries not to ask too many questions about after his death.]
That's enough to go off, I think. [Translation: This is getting progressively more confusing and only adding more questions.] I take it most've this was a 'you gotta be there' thing.
[After a pause, he looked back up at Minato.] Hey. What day was it. That you died, I mean. [A short shrug.] Just so I don't go saying something stupid if more've us show up.
It was easier to go along with when it was happening... It was all getting pretty scary.
[And if Minato's saying it was getting scary, you know that has to be an understatement on what it was like for the rest of them.] --We fought Nyx on January 31st. But... I'd promised to see everyone again at graduation, so I didn't die until early March.
[Somehow it's a lot easier to be matter-of-fact and up front about his death with Shinjiro, who he knew wouldn't make a big deal out of it, or make him talk about it at all, if he didn't want to.]
...Alright. [So well into the next year. A nod, and he didn't seem to have any more questions on that subject. Minato had died, the circumstances made no sense, and he didn't want to be entirely upfront about it when he didn't need to be.
And he had managed to come back, back home, also. So going home was an option for him. Almost rhetorically, he questioned aloud:]
If those tokens send us back, you think we go right back where we were? [The implications of the question were a bit obvious- But fuck if he wasn't curious.]
... I think so. [His voice is quieter even than normal, because he grasps the implications right away.] I don't know why we wouldn't, but... anything's possible.
I'm sorry that you're in a position like this, senpai. [As much as the empathy probably wasn't looked for, Minato couldn't help but put that out there.]
[It wasn't looked for or truly accepted, Shinjiro gesturing dismissively and shaking his head.] In a position like what. [He wasn't speaking to be obtuse, but rather to make a point. Compared to Minato's soft comments it was brisk and sure.]
Nothing's changed for me, 'cept being here. And dying back home wasn't surprising.
[This puts Minato in a hard position, because the last thing he wants to do is make Shinjiro talk about his death when he hadn't made him talk about his own. But he does want to make this point, as his friend. so he compromises.]
If you say so, I don't want to push you on it. But... I know what it's like to know that you'll die.
[He was sure it was different for Minato-- And sure, maybe it wasn't easy... but it was different when it was a choice and when it was the only option. Minato had chose to give himself to seal Nyx, from the sound of it-- That was far, far more difficult than just accepting that you had to die.
So instead he glanced down, considering responses. He could never really explain how he felt about his own death-- not really, where anyone could understand. What sucked more was being alive again, and having to deal with the expectation that he'd remain that way. (Or maybe he was glorifying it in hindsight, the apprehension and frustration from the days before his death forgotten or ignored.) Either way, there was a distinct difference.]
Easy or not don't change it. [Another shrug as he spoke simply, keeping his tone even.] It happened. I'm here now. That's all we got to go off, and I ain't gonna pretend that it means I could go back.
[...The hell would he do, anyway. Be some drop out who was dead on every record? Useless.]
... I understand that you feel that way. Because, for a while after I came back, I couldn't understand why I had. Why Itsuki had done that. [Somehow it's easy to say this to someone else that feels the same way, when he doesn't have to worry about someone protesting, getting upset, telling him he has so much to live for. It feels needlessly cruel to tell his friends that; telling Shinjiro has a certain sense of quiet acceptance.]
It took me a long time to accept that I would die, and then when it happened... I wanted that to be it. For it to be over.
So, I won't tell you what to do, [he goes on, meaning it genuinely. If anyone could identify with not knowing whether you wanted to be alive anymore, but not being necessarily suicidal, it was Minato. He'd felt that way for years, before coming to Iwatodai, before any of this had even started.] But it felt unfair not to let you know that that happened to me.
[It had felt strange, wrong, not to tell Shinjiro that he understood some of what he was going through when probably no one else did.]
[He didn't know how to respond to that, to such blunt admittances. He had never really discussed the details of his death or his reasoning: he'd never had to. Akihiko had just known. He'd been there when Castor had gotten out of control, seen the aftermath and how badly it had affected him. This never came up in their conversations, instead just leaping straight to scathing remarks and fists. It was more comfortable that way, easier to just mutually understand rather than to prod and pry at all the reasoning and residual emotions left over by circumstances.
But Minato had a point. When he died, he had wanted for it to be over. Brows creased, still looking down at the ground as he listened and rolled the idea over in his mind. Even before he died, he wanted it to be over. But Minato had it exactly right: Death was supposed to be finite and forever, not something to be revoked as an afterthoughts. That was how people gained closure and moved on-- hell, that's how he had been able to try and move on.]
--Yeah. [It was simple, but honest. Tone quiet and even, he nodded and glanced back up.] I think that's just it. It was supposed to already be done with.
[Another awkward sort of pause, before he added:] Thanks. [For what, he wasn't fully sure yet. Proving that he wasn't just self-absorbed and suicidal, maybe. That a second shot at life being almost disappointing wasn't that strange of a stance. That he knew Minato wouldn't demand he try and follow them home, be jilted and hurt and betrayed when he didn't.]
[It was all so complicated, and they were probably both better off leaving it unsaid, not trying to articulate it. It'd just be clumsy attempts that couldn't come close.]
... You're welcome. It's something that's hard to explain.
[Well, he was out of things to say on it, and Minato assumed that if Shinjiro had any other input he would've said it already. Time to close the topic, as far as he was concerned.] While we're here, it's useless to focus on anything else, anyway.
[A nod at the simple out. It was appreciated.] We can worry 'bout that once we find a way out. Like I said, I'm here now, that's what matters.
[...Speaking of:] So we still don't got a gameplan here, do we? [It wasn't judging, but he frowned nonetheless.] Besides those stupid missions, I ain't got a clue with where to start. Those Kernos bastards did a good job if they mean to keep us here.
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I'm gonna be busy all weekend so it's cool bb XD
He doesn't want to have this conversation. Every part of him rebels at willingly telling someone this. He's relatively free with the information to people from other worlds, but it's easier that way. They don't understand the magnitude of Nyx, or what he'd actually done. And they definitely don't know about Erebus.
Not that Shinjiro does, either. Minato lets out a silent breath. He needs to stop being avoidant; he can do this. If anyone would understand not wanting to go over the details, it's Shinji. It'll be fine.]
Hi, [he says quietly, drawing his headphones off of his ears and letting them flop around his neck.] Come in.
AWESOME lazy tagging it's coo'
So you said it's something you 'should' say. What happened back home. [Small word preferences didn't seem to elude him, at least- 'Should' as opposed to want, or need, or anything else.]
yeahhhhh yay :DD
[It should be hard to turn his feelings off about this and just say it, but it isn't. Minato relinquishes all of his grief and his inner conflict, pushes it down somewhere that it can't touch him. It's better to get this over with.] When we go to fight Nyx, the reason we win is because of me. I died to seal her away.
excellennntttt
...So that happen in 2011, or what? [Later than he would have hoped for the elimination of the Dark Hour. Two more years fighting Shadows... damn it. He had questions, that that much was probably evidenced with how he paid attention, dark eyes following Minato with a morbid sort of curiosity. Why was it necessary? Just what the hell happened after Shinjiro died? Nyx? Ryoji?] And run me past the basics again. Nyx...?
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Nyx showed up, but we couldn't defeat her. I sealed her away.
[And if that sounds ambiguous and like a completely unhelpful explanation, well, it's the only one Minato wants to offer. He doesn't know how to express what really happened in the first place, still isn't comfortable openly talking about his Social Links or the Velvet Room. He'd just started to accept the idea that maybe he could tell someone about them when he'd been brought here, and now it felt like he'd started all over.]
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So again: he could respect Minato's vague choice of words.] ...You're here now. Just good that you got another shot back home, too.
[What else was there to say? He was sure Minato wasn't as hellbent on his death as Shinjiro, so being alive again back home...] So this Ryoji guy's from back home after you bit it, I take it.
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But, he's a friend. So at least while we're here, everything has turned out alright.
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[If Minato trusted him, that was as good as anything- At least enough to consider him a neutral sort of ally, even if he was some sort of Avatar of a massive Shadow monster. Or whatever he was. Shinjiro didn't quite get the whole picture with the little offered, but again kept himself from asking more.]
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He's definitely an ally, even if he didn't fight with us. I'm not sure what I'd call him... a Shadow that became human, in part? [Slight shrug.] We never got answers about that.
He's as much a victim of fate as the rest of us. He disappeared back home after the fight with Nyx; that's why he was so surprised to be here.
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Yeah, he'd just. Give up. This right here is the reason he tries not to ask too many questions about after his death.]
That's enough to go off, I think. [Translation: This is getting progressively more confusing and only adding more questions.] I take it most've this was a 'you gotta be there' thing.
[After a pause, he looked back up at Minato.] Hey. What day was it. That you died, I mean. [A short shrug.] Just so I don't go saying something stupid if more've us show up.
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[And if Minato's saying it was getting scary, you know that has to be an understatement on what it was like for the rest of them.] --We fought Nyx on January 31st. But... I'd promised to see everyone again at graduation, so I didn't die until early March.
[Somehow it's a lot easier to be matter-of-fact and up front about his death with Shinjiro, who he knew wouldn't make a big deal out of it, or make him talk about it at all, if he didn't want to.]
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And he had managed to come back, back home, also. So going home was an option for him. Almost rhetorically, he questioned aloud:]
If those tokens send us back, you think we go right back where we were? [The implications of the question were a bit obvious- But fuck if he wasn't curious.]
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I'm sorry that you're in a position like this, senpai. [As much as the empathy probably wasn't looked for, Minato couldn't help but put that out there.]
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Nothing's changed for me, 'cept being here. And dying back home wasn't surprising.
It's fine.
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If you say so, I don't want to push you on it. But... I know what it's like to know that you'll die.
I don't think it could ever be easy.
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So instead he glanced down, considering responses. He could never really explain how he felt about his own death-- not really, where anyone could understand. What sucked more was being alive again, and having to deal with the expectation that he'd remain that way. (Or maybe he was glorifying it in hindsight, the apprehension and frustration from the days before his death forgotten or ignored.) Either way, there was a distinct difference.]
Easy or not don't change it. [Another shrug as he spoke simply, keeping his tone even.] It happened. I'm here now. That's all we got to go off, and I ain't gonna pretend that it means I could go back.
[...The hell would he do, anyway. Be some drop out who was dead on every record? Useless.]
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It took me a long time to accept that I would die, and then when it happened... I wanted that to be it. For it to be over.
So, I won't tell you what to do, [he goes on, meaning it genuinely. If anyone could identify with not knowing whether you wanted to be alive anymore, but not being necessarily suicidal, it was Minato. He'd felt that way for years, before coming to Iwatodai, before any of this had even started.] But it felt unfair not to let you know that that happened to me.
[It had felt strange, wrong, not to tell Shinjiro that he understood some of what he was going through when probably no one else did.]
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But Minato had a point. When he died, he had wanted for it to be over. Brows creased, still looking down at the ground as he listened and rolled the idea over in his mind. Even before he died, he wanted it to be over. But Minato had it exactly right: Death was supposed to be finite and forever, not something to be revoked as an afterthoughts. That was how people gained closure and moved on-- hell, that's how he had been able to try and move on.]
--Yeah. [It was simple, but honest. Tone quiet and even, he nodded and glanced back up.] I think that's just it. It was supposed to already be done with.
[Another awkward sort of pause, before he added:] Thanks. [For what, he wasn't fully sure yet. Proving that he wasn't just self-absorbed and suicidal, maybe. That a second shot at life being almost disappointing wasn't that strange of a stance. That he knew Minato wouldn't demand he try and follow them home, be jilted and hurt and betrayed when he didn't.]
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... You're welcome. It's something that's hard to explain.
[Well, he was out of things to say on it, and Minato assumed that if Shinjiro had any other input he would've said it already. Time to close the topic, as far as he was concerned.] While we're here, it's useless to focus on anything else, anyway.
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[...Speaking of:] So we still don't got a gameplan here, do we? [It wasn't judging, but he frowned nonetheless.] Besides those stupid missions, I ain't got a clue with where to start. Those Kernos bastards did a good job if they mean to keep us here.