[It wasn't looked for or truly accepted, Shinjiro gesturing dismissively and shaking his head.] In a position like what. [He wasn't speaking to be obtuse, but rather to make a point. Compared to Minato's soft comments it was brisk and sure.]
Nothing's changed for me, 'cept being here. And dying back home wasn't surprising.
[This puts Minato in a hard position, because the last thing he wants to do is make Shinjiro talk about his death when he hadn't made him talk about his own. But he does want to make this point, as his friend. so he compromises.]
If you say so, I don't want to push you on it. But... I know what it's like to know that you'll die.
[He was sure it was different for Minato-- And sure, maybe it wasn't easy... but it was different when it was a choice and when it was the only option. Minato had chose to give himself to seal Nyx, from the sound of it-- That was far, far more difficult than just accepting that you had to die.
So instead he glanced down, considering responses. He could never really explain how he felt about his own death-- not really, where anyone could understand. What sucked more was being alive again, and having to deal with the expectation that he'd remain that way. (Or maybe he was glorifying it in hindsight, the apprehension and frustration from the days before his death forgotten or ignored.) Either way, there was a distinct difference.]
Easy or not don't change it. [Another shrug as he spoke simply, keeping his tone even.] It happened. I'm here now. That's all we got to go off, and I ain't gonna pretend that it means I could go back.
[...The hell would he do, anyway. Be some drop out who was dead on every record? Useless.]
... I understand that you feel that way. Because, for a while after I came back, I couldn't understand why I had. Why Itsuki had done that. [Somehow it's easy to say this to someone else that feels the same way, when he doesn't have to worry about someone protesting, getting upset, telling him he has so much to live for. It feels needlessly cruel to tell his friends that; telling Shinjiro has a certain sense of quiet acceptance.]
It took me a long time to accept that I would die, and then when it happened... I wanted that to be it. For it to be over.
So, I won't tell you what to do, [he goes on, meaning it genuinely. If anyone could identify with not knowing whether you wanted to be alive anymore, but not being necessarily suicidal, it was Minato. He'd felt that way for years, before coming to Iwatodai, before any of this had even started.] But it felt unfair not to let you know that that happened to me.
[It had felt strange, wrong, not to tell Shinjiro that he understood some of what he was going through when probably no one else did.]
[He didn't know how to respond to that, to such blunt admittances. He had never really discussed the details of his death or his reasoning: he'd never had to. Akihiko had just known. He'd been there when Castor had gotten out of control, seen the aftermath and how badly it had affected him. This never came up in their conversations, instead just leaping straight to scathing remarks and fists. It was more comfortable that way, easier to just mutually understand rather than to prod and pry at all the reasoning and residual emotions left over by circumstances.
But Minato had a point. When he died, he had wanted for it to be over. Brows creased, still looking down at the ground as he listened and rolled the idea over in his mind. Even before he died, he wanted it to be over. But Minato had it exactly right: Death was supposed to be finite and forever, not something to be revoked as an afterthoughts. That was how people gained closure and moved on-- hell, that's how he had been able to try and move on.]
--Yeah. [It was simple, but honest. Tone quiet and even, he nodded and glanced back up.] I think that's just it. It was supposed to already be done with.
[Another awkward sort of pause, before he added:] Thanks. [For what, he wasn't fully sure yet. Proving that he wasn't just self-absorbed and suicidal, maybe. That a second shot at life being almost disappointing wasn't that strange of a stance. That he knew Minato wouldn't demand he try and follow them home, be jilted and hurt and betrayed when he didn't.]
[It was all so complicated, and they were probably both better off leaving it unsaid, not trying to articulate it. It'd just be clumsy attempts that couldn't come close.]
... You're welcome. It's something that's hard to explain.
[Well, he was out of things to say on it, and Minato assumed that if Shinjiro had any other input he would've said it already. Time to close the topic, as far as he was concerned.] While we're here, it's useless to focus on anything else, anyway.
[A nod at the simple out. It was appreciated.] We can worry 'bout that once we find a way out. Like I said, I'm here now, that's what matters.
[...Speaking of:] So we still don't got a gameplan here, do we? [It wasn't judging, but he frowned nonetheless.] Besides those stupid missions, I ain't got a clue with where to start. Those Kernos bastards did a good job if they mean to keep us here.
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Nothing's changed for me, 'cept being here. And dying back home wasn't surprising.
It's fine.
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If you say so, I don't want to push you on it. But... I know what it's like to know that you'll die.
I don't think it could ever be easy.
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So instead he glanced down, considering responses. He could never really explain how he felt about his own death-- not really, where anyone could understand. What sucked more was being alive again, and having to deal with the expectation that he'd remain that way. (Or maybe he was glorifying it in hindsight, the apprehension and frustration from the days before his death forgotten or ignored.) Either way, there was a distinct difference.]
Easy or not don't change it. [Another shrug as he spoke simply, keeping his tone even.] It happened. I'm here now. That's all we got to go off, and I ain't gonna pretend that it means I could go back.
[...The hell would he do, anyway. Be some drop out who was dead on every record? Useless.]
no subject
It took me a long time to accept that I would die, and then when it happened... I wanted that to be it. For it to be over.
So, I won't tell you what to do, [he goes on, meaning it genuinely. If anyone could identify with not knowing whether you wanted to be alive anymore, but not being necessarily suicidal, it was Minato. He'd felt that way for years, before coming to Iwatodai, before any of this had even started.] But it felt unfair not to let you know that that happened to me.
[It had felt strange, wrong, not to tell Shinjiro that he understood some of what he was going through when probably no one else did.]
no subject
But Minato had a point. When he died, he had wanted for it to be over. Brows creased, still looking down at the ground as he listened and rolled the idea over in his mind. Even before he died, he wanted it to be over. But Minato had it exactly right: Death was supposed to be finite and forever, not something to be revoked as an afterthoughts. That was how people gained closure and moved on-- hell, that's how he had been able to try and move on.]
--Yeah. [It was simple, but honest. Tone quiet and even, he nodded and glanced back up.] I think that's just it. It was supposed to already be done with.
[Another awkward sort of pause, before he added:] Thanks. [For what, he wasn't fully sure yet. Proving that he wasn't just self-absorbed and suicidal, maybe. That a second shot at life being almost disappointing wasn't that strange of a stance. That he knew Minato wouldn't demand he try and follow them home, be jilted and hurt and betrayed when he didn't.]
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... You're welcome. It's something that's hard to explain.
[Well, he was out of things to say on it, and Minato assumed that if Shinjiro had any other input he would've said it already. Time to close the topic, as far as he was concerned.] While we're here, it's useless to focus on anything else, anyway.
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[...Speaking of:] So we still don't got a gameplan here, do we? [It wasn't judging, but he frowned nonetheless.] Besides those stupid missions, I ain't got a clue with where to start. Those Kernos bastards did a good job if they mean to keep us here.